


First Impressions

by Mareel



Series: Always [29]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Canada, Destroy Ending, Epistolary, F/M, Family, Love, M/M, MIA Husband, Memories, Post-Canon, Post-Mass Effect 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-22 12:32:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10697079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mareel/pseuds/Mareel
Summary: My son has come home from the war... and he's not alone.





	First Impressions

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lady_Katana4544](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Katana4544/gifts).



> This takes place at the Alenko family orchard approximately eight months after the end of the Reaper war. It is Elena Alenko's voice, including a letter written to her MIA husband.
> 
> Written for the Space Swap 2017 exchange. 
> 
> I'm so grateful to potionsmaster and Kipli for their encouragement and suggestions in beta. And thank you to potionsmaster for establishing the Alliance base at Esquimalt as fanon.

 

My dearest Michael, 

I must share today with you!

I hope you don’t mind me writing to you like this. In a way, it’s a bit like when we were young together, and you would go on deployments from Singapore. At the time, I thought two weeks or a month to be an unbearably long separation. 

I wrote to you because I wanted to share my days and my thoughts. It surprised me how much it helped me feel closer to you, even when I didn’t have a way to send the letters to you… your mission locations being classified. I’d give them to you when you got home, and loved watching you smile as you read them. Sometimes it took awhile, since you kept pausing to kiss me or squeeze my hand when you read about something that was especially important to me.

Today was one of those important days. I wish so very much that you could have been here to share it. 

Kaidan came home from the war at last! And he wasn’t alone. He brought John Shepard with him – the man he described to me in a letter as the love of his life. Kaidan first told me he’d found someone not long after we got the news that you were MIA. He didn’t tell me who it was though, not until the war was over and he was back on Earth, in a London hospital by Shepard’s bedside. 

We’d been exchanging letters, and eventually had comm calls (when the channels were made available again), so I knew how serious Kaidan was about him. I’d even spoken with John on the calls during his recovery. But meeting in person is always so much better!

Honestly, I wasn’t completely sure what to expect when Kaidan told me they were coming to the orchard. My mental image of Commander Shepard had already shifted from what it was before and during the war… the image painted by the newsfeeds and all the other media coverage of the man. I remember watching those with you as Shepard’s public image veered from war hero and ‘Savior of the Citadel’ to traitor and mass murderer. 

You and I talked about that a lot, since Kaidan had always admired Shepard so much and was so devastated when he died in that attack on the _Normandy_. You told me not to believe everything you read about him on the extranet, and to remember that the newsfeeds always seek out the sensational. You said that those accusations against him were simply that until proven and that you, for one, had a hard time believing the man would have changed so much. I didn’t want to believe any of it. I didn’t know how he was alive again, but was sure there was an explanation we weren’t being given, probably for some political reason. 

But it was still so hard to see those endless broadcasts referring to the ‘disgraced Commander Shepard’... always with the same footage of him being taken into custody at Esquimalt in Vancouver, led away in handcuffs, looking exhausted but determined, holding his head high. I remember aching for Kaidan if he had to see that, and hoped it would all prove to be a mistake.

I keep thinking about the last night the three of us had together in Vancouver before the attack. I guessed then that Kaidan being in town had something to do with some kind of impending trial for Shepard. I knew he was probably torn about it… he never could hide much from me. But whatever the reason for Kaidan being there, I’m glad we had that chance to spend a little time with him before everything…

____________________________________________

 

I pause the letter, afraid that I might be getting lost in the past and too far away from the happy news that I really want to share. I guess I just miss having Michael to talk with about whatever comes to mind.

Maybe some tea would help. Keeping the lights dim, I slip into the kitchen and brew a cup of jasmine tea to take back to the bedroom with me. The boys are still outside on the porch, and I don’t want to disturb them. The sound of Kaidan’s soft laughter drifts in through the open window. Stirring just a bit of honey into my tea, I find myself smiling, having noticed that John takes his tea that way, too. Kaidan’s influence maybe? Did they even have honey on the _Normandy_ in wartime? Maybe he brought his own supply. Of course, Kaidan still prefers coffee. Michael was a coffee-drinker, but he would often join me for tea in the evenings, out on the porch...

Back at my desk and sipping the fragrant tea, I reread what I’ve written so far before continuing where I left off.

____________________________________________

 

After the war, the commander was hailed as the ultimate hero, uniting the whole galaxy and possibly sacrificing himself to save it. Hearing from Kaidan that Shepard had been found alive and he was at his side in the hospital shifted the image yet again. This time it was coloured by the knowledge that Kaidan loved him and wasn’t going to leave that hospital until John could walk out with him.

I’ll admit that our first vid-comm call was unsettling. Shepard didn’t look much like the hero of the media portrayal. He was a gaunt and gravely injured man in a hospital bed, trying to recover control of a terribly damaged body. But he never dwelled on that during the calls. He always tried to smile, and asked about me and how I was doing. How were things at the orchard? Did we have enough to eat? Had there been any word about my husband? Somehow it was never about _him_ at all. Sometimes he would glance at Kaidan and the smile would reach his eyes. It was a tantalizing glimpse of the man he would be when he had a chance to recover. I couldn’t wait to meet him in person!

Well, when they arrived today, my whole image of Commander Shepard dropped away. That was someone he had been… and might well be again. But the man I met today was _John_. 

When they pulled up to the house in a ground car, Kaidan got out first and went to help John swing his legs around and get to his feet. My eyes went first to Kaidan of course – my little one, now looking more like you than ever, Michael. His hair is even touched with the same light frost at the temples. 

Just a bit taller than Kaidan, John looks much thinner than before his injuries. Hospital food being what it is, I’m not surprised. Especially with food rationing. Maybe I can do something about that while they’re here. I still have a freezer half-full of the supplies you insisted that we stock up on as the talk of war was growing more shrill. 

John stood quietly by the car while Kaidan swept me up in a bear hug, leaning a little on a cane, but otherwise looking so much better than he had in the hospital. When Kaidan let go of hugging me, he turned back to John who extended a hand to me. I don’t think that was his injured hand, but I didn’t think a handshake was what he needed. I wrapped my arms around him and surprised him with a hug. It took a moment, but he handed off the cane to Kaidan and wrapped both arms around me to return it. When he released me, his eyes went to Kaidan and I thought I heard my little one say something like ‘ _See, I told you.’_

Michael, they seem so right together. I don’t quite know how to explain it, even having spent the afternoon and evening with them. I’m not even sure how long they’ve been together. In some moments, it seems like they’ve just somehow found each other and it’s all new and amazing. At other times, they are like an old married couple, finishing each other’s sentences and communicating wordless volumes with a nod or the lift of an eyebrow. 

Maybe some of that is from being together on the battlefield for so many years. I remember you telling me once that it seemed like Kaidan had found a brother in arms, someone you develop a sixth sense around, communicating silently in situations where there’s just no time for words, only for reacting. They’re like that. 

Kaidan seems to know when to offer help – like an arm to lean on instead of the cane – and when to let him do for himself, even if it looks like a bit of a struggle. John strongly favors his right hand… it’s the left that was very damaged, and he’s still trying to regain touch sensitivity and range of motion with it. Looks to me like he’s lucky they could save that hand at all. He’s been through so much…

Some would see a new couple in the way one of them will reach for the other’s hand – both of them do that – and how they think they’re being oh-so-discreet when their knees bump under the table. But I see an established couple who’ve gotten used to the need for discretion about any PDA. I suppose they were technically breaking some regulation just to be together on the _Normandy_. But I think they realized that their time together might be far too short, the way the war was going… 

In many ways, Michael, they remind me of us… the way we were when you met my mother, and when you brought me to the orchard to meet Alexei and Natalia. I do think I was much more nervous than John was… or maybe he just hides it better. Of course, we had baby Kaidan with us at the time. Their first grandchild stole their attention… and their hearts.

But mostly, they remind me of how _we_ were throughout all our years together… seeking each other’s hands, catching eyes, sharing secret smiles. And yes, I always got a warm feeling when your knee or thigh bumped mine under a table in public… and lingered. As you orchardists might put it, the apple fell close to the tree with our son. I like to think he picked up so much of his outlook and mannerisms from you. 

His eyes are older though. He’s seen things you probably never had to see… except maybe after the war began. He’s seen far too much, and John has seen even more… having looked death in the eye. I don’t know how it affected him, but I don’t think anyone could come through that kind of experience unchanged. I’m convinced that Kaidan loved him before he died… and loves the man who came out of it on the other side. 

I wish you could meet him. When they first walked into the living room, his eyes went straight to the family portrait on the mantle – the one with the two of us and baby Kaidan. He commented on how much you looked like Kaidan when he first met him. _‘Beautiful family, Kaidan_ …’ is what he said. 

I know John’s mother is an Alliance admiral. He says her ship hasn’t returned to Earth yet, but that she’s alive. He didn’t mention his father, and I didn’t ask. But it does seem like he could use a family right now. Someone to spoil him a little, maybe. 

And honestly… he feels like another son to me already. You always hoped Kaidan would find someone to care about. Rest easy, love, he has. Someone who obviously is so in love with him in return. 

I’ll close for now. I just wanted you to know how this day has been the happiest I’ve had since we were last together. I miss you so much, and haven’t given up hope that you’ll return one day. 

Love you always,  
Your Elena

____________________________________________

 

I should try to sleep now; it’s getting late. Kaidan and John are still out on the porch, settled on the steps watching the stars. I’m sure those look different to them from here. Maybe there will be an aurora; I saw one last week.

Tomorrow is another day. Kaidan wants to show John all around the orchard, and I need to make a trip into town to pick up a few things… and to give the two of them some alone time. I remember how devious Michael and I had to be to steal a few moments together on our visits here… I’ll try to make it easier for the boys. 

And I have some cooking to do. Turns out that John loves fruit, and seldom had much of it when he was growing up on space stations and ships. We have plenty. Despite the weather changes from the war, the trees are still bearing fruit. A good sign that life goes on. The peaches are just starting to ripen; maybe I’ll make a cobbler. There’s steak in the freezer for Kaidan… and plenty of lager. He mentioned how much that reminded him of his father – sharing those last beers together on the balcony in Vancouver, with the sun setting over English Bay. 

I’m glad he has that memory. And even more glad that he found someone to share it with, even as they’re making their own memories together. 

This is one night when I think I’ll be able to sleep well. As I hope they will, too... when they get around to it. I’d love for them to think of the orchard as a home, a refuge, a place to heal and grow together. 

After turning out the lamp, I pause for a moment at the bedroom window. There _is_ an aurora tonight.

 


End file.
